This one is for the boys
Emotional Intelligence Is a teenage boys Ultimate Secret Weapon
You know the feeling…
Your heart speeds up a bit, you become fidgety, there is a hint of nervous energy and then you see them. The person you've been thinking about, maybe even pretending not to notice. We’ve all been exactly where you are, trust me. You catch yourself picking up on these tiny details, stuff no one else really sees, like how they smile to themselves when they're texting or how their eyes totally light up when they talk about something they're into. All you want is for them to notice you the way you notice them. The secret isn’t in a new haircut, fresh kicks or a cheesy one liner, and it’s definitely not sending them a mirror selfie of you flexing your bicep. Hard to believe I know.
The answer you're searching for is emotional intelligence. Yeah, I know it probably sounds like something your parents or teachers mention when they’re trying to be all serious. But stick with me, because emotional intelligence will seriously be your secret weapon in life, especially when it comes to impressing that person you like.
Emotional intelligence isn't about becoming overly sensitive or sharing your feelings 24/7. It's about getting really good at noticing things that most people overlook. It's about picking up on small signals like when someone is excited about something they're passionate about or noticing when someone seems off after a tough day. Imagine you see someone you really like, and instead of saying something predictable, you say something thoughtful like, “Hey, you seemed really excited when you talked about your favourite band, what makes you love them so much?” or “I could tell something bothered you earlier, how can I help?” These aren’t generic lines. They're genuine moments where you show you're actually paying attention.
Real connections happen when you notice the little things. Emotional intelligence makes conversations unforgettable.
Forget trying to impress others by being loud, funny, or just cool on the surface. People generally want to feel seen, heard and valued. By genuinely making others feel this way will develop a deeper connection with that person. That’s how emotional intelligence gives you something more meaningful, it makes you stand out in a way that feels real. It's being the one person who remembers someone’s favourite song and plays it exactly when they need to hear it. People notice that, remember it and genuinely appreciate it.
So how do you do this? The first step is always trying and see situations from someone else's point of view. Acknowledging this makes them feel valued and understood. Being known as that person who really "gets" others is your super power. It’s what creates lasting relationships and stronger connections. You won't just impress someone for a minute, you'll actually matter to them in the long run.
Now that you’ve got perspective, add these three simple, but powerful tools to really level up your game. Remember to always make it authentic, it’s not about putting on a show, it’s about being you.
Pause and Reflect
Before you react to something, especially if you’re excited or frustrated, just pause for a second. Ask yourself how your reaction might make the other person feel. Instead of jumping straight in, you can say something thoughtful like, "That sounds important to you, can you tell me more about it?" Or "I didn’t realise that bothered you, I'm glad you shared." It not only shows you genuinely care, it stops you from saying something without thinking.
Mirror and Connect
Match the vibe of the person you're talking with. If someone is quietly sharing something personal, lower your voice and respond with genuine care: "Thanks for telling me. It means a lot you trust me with that." Or if they’re excited, match that energy, "Your excitement is awesome. Seriously, tell me more!" This makes your conversations easy and real.
Play the Observation Game
Challenge yourself to notice unique details about people around you—a change in their mood, a new hobby they're into, or even something quirky they do. Use what you notice to connect deeper. Say things like, "I noticed you start drawing when you’re stressed, what's your favourite thing to draw?" or “The way you talked about sustainability in class was really passionate. How’d you first get into it?" If that conversation goes well, you can then possibly ask them to go on a nature walk together.
Being emotionally intelligent not only wins over the person you like. It strengthens all your friendships.
Now, here’s something important you need to know. Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean everything will always go your way. You can say the right thing, show genuine interest, be thoughtful... and still not get the reaction you were hoping for. Maybe they don’t respond how you imagined. Maybe they’re just not in the same place. That sucks. But it’s not the end of the story.
The truth is you can only control your own actions, effort and how you choose to respond. Everything else? That’s outside your control. How someone reacts, what they’re feeling or what’s going on in their world are all things you can’t manage. If things don’t go to plan, it’s not a failure. It’s not a reflection of your worth. That’s not a you problem. That’s a them thing.
Even if things don’t seem to land right away, your effort isn’t wasted. Sometimes what you say or do plants a seed. It sits there, unnoticed for a while, maybe even a long while, but it grows. I've seen it happen. When you treat someone with respect and care, they might not respond in the moment... but a few weeks later, they're the one reaching out. Or they remember you were the only one who actually listened when they needed it.
Yeah, you're going to feel frustrated, disappointed or even angry sometimes. That’s normal. You might think, "Why do I even bother if it doesn’t make a difference?" But here’s the thing… Those feelings? They're just moments in time. They don’t define you.
What matters is what you do next. Maturity is when you can feel that anger or disappointment and still step away from the situation without letting it control you. It’s about knowing when to take a break, reset and do something that fills your cup instead of draining it. That might be going for a run, blasting your favourite playlist, shooting hoops, journaling, gaming with a mate. Whatever brings you back to yourself.
That’s what builds resilience. Not pretending everything's fine, but knowing how to handle it when it’s not. That’s how you keep showing up in a way that’s strong, grounded, and real. Emotional intelligence isn’t about perfection it’s about consistency. And over time, that’s what makes the biggest impact.
Learning these skills doesn't just help you. It creates positive ripples around you. You'll gain respect by genuinely making others feel important. Being emotionally intelligent isn't just about impressing someone. It goes far beyond that. Getting good at noticing, understanding and responding thoughtfully to other people's feelings will help you navigate friendships, family relationships and even at school or work down the track. People naturally gravitate toward those who genuinely understand and respect them.
This is what makes a great person.
You will always have the potential to become a great person, if you choose to be.
