Being a You-nicorn
discover how fully embracing your authentic self leads to a fulfilled life.
Remember those carefree childhood days when you confidently made choices without a second thought? Whether you were the fussy eater who insisted on peanut butter sandwiches with the crusts cut off every day, or the kid who proudly picked out eclectic outfits mixing Power Rangers and princess attire, you were unapologetically yourself. You were a You-nicorn—a unique individual who embraced personal preferences with joy and confidence.
But what changed? Why did we stop being those vibrant, unapologetic versions of ourselves?
The Adolescent Adjustment: Why We Change
As we grow older, especially during adolescence, our brains undergo significant changes. This period is marked by heightened neural plasticity, meaning our brains are more receptive to learning and adapting. However, it’s also a time when the prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making and self-control) is still developing, while the limbic system (which processes emotions and social information) is highly active.
During this phase, we become acutely aware of how others perceive us. This heightened sensitivity to social feedback can lead us to conform to societal norms and trends. We start to fit ourselves into boxes we believe are "normal" or "trendy" to gain acceptance and approval.
This shift from individuality to conformity often happens because our brains are wired to seek social acceptance, which was crucial for survival in early human history. However, in modern times, this can lead us away from our true selves.
Adolescents are more sensitive to peer acceptance, rejection, and approval than children or adults. Seeking acceptance is the key motivation for them to change the way they think, speak, dress, and behave to make them feel they belong to the group.
The Impact on Mental Health and Identity
Suppressing our true selves to fit in can have profound effects on our mental health and sense of identity. When we sacrifice our authenticity for societal approval, we risk:
Losing Our Identity: Constantly striving to meet external expectations can make us lose touch with who we truly are. We might find ourselves drifting, unsure of what we genuinely like or want.
Developing Health Issues: The pressure to conform can lead to anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth. The constant comparison with others can erode our self-esteem.
Pressing Pause On Personal and Professional Progression: Lack of authenticity can stifle creativity and hinder personal and professional growth. When we are not true to ourselves, we miss out on opportunities that align with our real passions and strengths.
Social media exacerbates these issues. Platforms often showcase idealised versions of life, leading us to compare ourselves to unrealistic standards. The fear of missing out (FOMO) and the desire for validation through likes and comments can further drive us away from our authentic selves.
Rediscovering Your Inner You-nicorn
Rediscovering your inner You-nicorn is about peeling back the layers of societal expectations to reveal your true self. This is fundamental, but it is typically the most challenging as well, because as we grow older and gain lived experience, we become acutely aware of the associated risks of not being socially accepted. However, working through these challenges is crucial for our overall well-being and personal growth. By embracing our authentic selves, we can build deeper, more meaningful connections with others, enhance our self-esteem, and lead more fulfilling lives. There is no doubting that it is a journey that requires patience and courage, but taking these steps to rediscover your true self will empower you to live a life that is genuinely yours, surrounded by people who appreciate you for who you are. Here are some practical strategies to help you so you are not alone on this journey:
1. Define Your Values
Take time to reflect on what truly matters to you. What are your core values? This is a loaded question, so it’s completely ok if you don’t know yet, or have trouble articulating them! You are also not obligated to audition for Miss Congeniality by saying “world peace” either. Just be true to yourself.
To help identify your strengths and values, you can use free resources like the VIA Character Strengths Survey or the 16 Personalities Test. Priorities your values and consider how they align with your current lifestyle and decisions. Regularly doing this exercise helps you reconnect with your inner compass.
Why: Self-reflection is a fundamental practice in psychology that allows individuals to gain a deeper understanding of their values, beliefs, and motivations. By identifying and articulating core values, you create a personal compass that guides your decisions and actions. This alignment between values and lifestyle is crucial for maintaining authenticity and internal harmony (Daudelin, 1996).
2. Visualise Your Authentic Life
Take some time to visualise what your life looks like when you’re being your true self. What are you doing? Who are you with? How do you feel? Write these down or create a vision board to keep you inspired and focused on your authentic life.
Why: Visualisation is a powerful psychological tool used in various therapeutic and performance-enhancing contexts. It involves creating a mental image of your desired future, which helps clarify goals and reinforce positive behaviour. Creating a vision board can make abstract aspirations tangible, enhancing motivation and commitment to authentic living (Taylor & Pham, 1999).
3. Limit Social Media Use
Set specific times of the day for social media and stick to them. Use apps that track and limit your screen time. More importantly, curate your feed to follow people and pages that inspire and uplift you rather than those that trigger comparison and insecurity.
Why: Excessive social media use has been linked to negative mental health outcomes, including anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem (Vogel et al., 2014). Social comparison theory explains how comparing oneself to others on social media can lead to feelings of inadequacy and diminished self-worth (Festinger, 1954). Limiting social media use and curating your feed to follow uplifting content can reduce these negative effects and promote a healthier self-image.
Being motivated by followers, likes and comments on social media platforms also can negatively impact your well-being. In attempts to gain more followers you run the risk of posting content that is popular, rather than content that aligns to your values. At first it might seem harmless, but over time the pressure of remaining “relevant” can have lasting long term impacts on your mental health.
4. Pursue Your Passions
Identify activities that bring you joy and fulfilment. Schedule regular time for these hobbies, even if they’re not considered trendy. Whether it’s painting, gardening, writing, or dancing, immersing yourself in what you love is a powerful way to connect with your true self.
Why: Engaging in activities you are passionate about can lead to a state of "flow," a concept introduced by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (1990). Flow is a highly focused mental state where individuals are fully immersed and enjoy the activity they are performing. Pursuing passions not only enhances well-being but also reinforces a sense of identity and authenticity.
5. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Build a circle of friends and mentors who appreciate and encourage your authentic self. Engage in honest conversations and seek out communities that share your values and interests. This supportive network will bolster your confidence in being true to yourself.
Why: Social support is a critical factor in mental health and well-being. Positive relationships provide emotional support, enhance self-esteem, and foster a sense of belonging (Cohen & Wills, 1985). According to attachment theory, supportive connections help individuals feel secure and confident, enabling them to express their true selves without fear of judgment (Bowlby, 1988).
6. Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself, especially when you make mistakes or face setbacks. Embrace your imperfections and understand that being a You-nicorn is a journey, not a destination. Use positive affirmations to reinforce self-acceptance and self-love. Know that you are good enough and that you matter.
Why: Self-compassion, as defined by psychologist Kristin Neff, involves treating oneself with the same kindness and understanding as one would treat a friend. Practising self-compassion can reduce self-criticism and promote emotional resilience (Neff, 2003). Writing a letter to oneself and using positive affirmations are effective strategies for cultivating self-compassion and enhancing overall mental health.
7. Celebrate Your Wins
Reflect on the week and celebrate the moments when you were true to yourself. Note these down and remind yourself that embracing your You-nicorn is a journey, and each step counts.
Why: Positive reinforcement is a key concept in behavioural psychology. Celebrating successes, no matter how small, reinforces positive behaviour and encourages continued effort. Reflecting on and acknowledging authentic moments throughout the week can build confidence and reinforce the value of staying true to oneself (Craven, Marsh, & Debus, 1991).
You-nicorns are Real
Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga, known for her unique style and unapologetic individuality, has built a career on authenticity. She started as a classically trained musician, but found her voice and true self in the pop world, where she broke barriers with her bold fashion choices and candidness about her struggles. One defining moment of her You-nicorn spirit was her infamous meat dress at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards. This bold fashion statement was not just about shock value; it was a commentary on the societal treatment of women and LGBTQ+ individuals, making a powerful statement about individuality and self-expression. Her message of self-acceptance resonates with millions, inspiring them to embrace their true selves. Gaga has openly discussed her mental health struggles, using her platform to advocate for self-love and mental health awareness, further demonstrating her commitment to authenticity.
Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple, was renowned for thinking differently. His refusal to conform to conventional business practices led to innovative products that changed the world. A quintessential example of Jobs being a You-nicorn was his unwavering vision for a mobile device without any form of keypad during a period when Blackberry dominated the market with their popular keyboard design. Jobs insisted on a touchscreen interface, which many saw as a risky departure from the norm. This bold decision led to the creation of the iPhone, revolutionising the mobile phone industry and setting new standards for technology and design. Jobs famously said, "Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do." His authenticity in following his passion for design and technology led to ground-breaking advancements that have left a lasting legacy.
Mindy Kaling
Mindy Kaling, an actress, writer, and producer, has been open about her experiences as a woman of colour in Hollywood. She broke into the industry by writing her own roles, creating space for diverse stories that resonate with a broad audience. A standout example of her You-nicorn spirit is her work on "The Mindy Project," a show she created, wrote, and starred in. Kaling insisted on a narrative that showcased a South Asian woman in a leading role, something rarely seen on mainstream American television. Her authentic storytelling, laced with humour and honesty, has earned her critical acclaim and a dedicated following. Kaling's journey shows how embracing one’s unique perspective can lead to success and inspire others. Her dedication to authenticity has not only carved out a unique space for herself in the industry but has also paved the way for more diverse voices in media.
The Take Away
Being true to yourself has long-term benefits. Authenticity fosters genuine relationships, enhances self-esteem, and promotes mental well-being. When we embrace who we truly are, we unlock our full potential and can achieve greater success and fulfilment in both personal and professional realms. You’ll will also be less likely to go out and buy a red convertible or find the closest cosmetic surgeon during an existential mid-life crisis, because you already know who you are and what you stand for.
Your uniqueness is your superpower. Never be assumed to be yourself, because no one else in the world does you better than you.
The world needs your unique spark. By embracing your inner You-nicorn, you not only enrich your own life but also inspire others to do the same. So, go ahead—wear that metaphorical Power Rangers suit, follow your passions, and let your true self shine. Life is too short to be anyone else but you. Embrace your quirks, chase your dreams, and never apologise for being yourself. The journey to authenticity starts with a single step, and that step begins with you.
References
Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.
Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310-357.
Craven, R. G., Marsh, H. W., & Debus, R. L. (1991). Effects of internally focused feedback on enhancement of academic self-concept. Journal of Educational Psychology, 83(1), 17-27.
Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. Harper & Row.
Daudelin, M. W. (1996). Learning from experience through reflection. Organizational Dynamics, 24(3), 36-48.
Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117-140.
Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.
Taylor, S. E., & Pham, L. B. (1999). The effect of mental simulation on goal-directed performance. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 18(4), 253-268.
Vogel, E. A., Rose, J. P., Roberts, L. R., & Eckles, K. (2014). Social comparison, social media, and self-esteem. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 3(4), 206-222.
