The Transformative Power of Acknowledging Accomplishments with Experiences.
A Cognitive Perspective on Why Doing Rewards is Far Greater Than Just Giving Rewards.
As parents and educators, we're constantly exploring ways to enrich the lives of our children, guiding them towards a fulfilling and balanced adulthood. One of the most profound shifts we can make is to celebrate their accomplishments and milestones with experiences (known as experiential learning) rather than material possessions. This approach not only creates lasting memories but also imparts invaluable cognitive benefits and life lessons.
“Gifting” experiences directly positively impacts a child’s cognitive development far greater than material possessions.
1. Real-World Learning and Cognitive Flexibility
Offering experiences like a visit to a historical site or a nature camp not only enhances cognitive skills but also exposes children to diverse perspectives. For example, a study in the Journal of Experiential Education highlights how experiential learning fosters critical thinking and adaptability, crucial traits for well-roundedness. Children learn to appreciate different cultures and histories, broadening their worldview.
Example: A visit to a local science museum can turn into a hands-on lesson in physics, sparking curiosity and a deeper understanding of the world.
Summary: "Experiences like museum visits expand your child’s mind and teach them to think critically."
2. Value of Effort: More Than Material Gain
When children work towards earning an experience, such as a family trip for good grades, they learn that effort leads to meaningful rewards. This teaches them to value their achievements beyond the immediate gratification of receiving a toy. Dr. Richard Weissbourd of Harvard's Making Caring Common project emphasises the importance of recognising effort over results, fostering a sense of accomplishment and gratitude.
Example: Earning a weekend camping trip for completing a school project teaches the child that their hard work leads to memorable and enjoyable experiences.
Summary: "Reward efforts with experiences to teach kids that their hard work has meaningful outcomes beyond just physical items."
Acknowledging effort will increase the likelihood of a desired behaviour being repeated in the future due to the release of dopamine in the brain.
3. Developing Emotional Intelligence Through Interaction
Engaging in group activities, like team sports or community service, children develop empathy and emotional intelligence. The American Journal of Play notes that social play is critical for emotional development. Through these experiences, children learn to appreciate others' feelings and viewpoints, an essential aspect of becoming well-rounded.
Example: Participating in a team sport or a group art class helps children learn about teamwork, empathy, and understanding others.
Summary: "Group activities help your child learn important social skills and understand others' feelings."
4. Fostering Mindfulness and Gratitude
Experiences often leave lasting impressions, helping children appreciate the moment and the effort behind organizing these activities. The concept of mindfulness, extensively discussed in Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn's work, underscores the importance of being present and grateful. This approach encourages children to value what they have, including non-material aspects of life.
Example: A family hike or a quiet afternoon spent birdwatching can teach children to appreciate nature and the present moment.
Summary: "Simple, immersive experiences teach children to appreciate the world around them and live in the moment."
5. Lifelong Love for Learning
Experiences often ignite a passion for learning. Whether it’s a science workshop or a historical tour, these activities make learning interactive and fun, instilling a lifelong love for knowledge. Educational psychologist Dr. Benjamin Bloom's taxonomy underlines the importance of experiential learning in developing higher-order thinking skills, crucial for well-rounded intellectual development.
Example: Attending a cultural festival or a historical re-enactment can make history come alive, turning learning into an exciting adventure.
Summary: "Educational outings make learning fun and spark a lifelong love for discovery."
Experiences such as visiting as aquarium opens up a whole new world of wonder and inquiry learning for children.
6. Strengthening Bonds and Nurturing Support Systems
Shared experiences, such as family vacations or community projects, strengthen bonds and provide a sense of belonging. Dr. Robert Putnam's research in "Bowling Alone" shows the importance of social connections in personal development. These shared moments teach children the value of relationships over material possessions.
Example: Planning a family game night or organising a barbecue with friends and neighbours can strengthen family bonds and community ties, while teaching the importance of social connections.
Summary: "Shared experiences bring families and communities closer, creating a strong support system and social network for your child."
The Bonus Bit: Preserving the Lesson of Material Value
A key aspect of using experiences as rewards, often overlooked, is how it preserves the important lesson for children about the value of working hard to attain material items. This approach doesn't negate the importance of teaching children about saving, budgeting, and making sacrifices for desired material possessions. Rather, it complements these lessons by keeping them distinct and more impactful.
When children are given material rewards too frequently, they might not fully grasp the effort required to earn such items. However, when experiences are used as rewards, it maintains the principle that material items are not just given, but are to be earned. This separation ensures that when a child does save up for a toy, gadget, or any item they desire, they do so with a clear understanding of its value.
This process teaches them critical financial skills and the importance of delayed gratification. They learn to budget, save, and perhaps make choices about what they can forego now for a more rewarding purchase later. Such experiences inculcate a sense of responsibility and achievement, making them appreciate and take better care of the things they worked hard to obtain.
A Pathway to Gratitude and Balance
In essence, when we choose experiences over material gifts to celebrate our children's achievements, we're offering them something far more valuable: lessons in empathy, a love for learning, appreciation for the non-material, and stronger family and community bonds. These experiences become a foundation for their development into compassionate, knowledgeable, and appreciative individuals. This approach not only enriches their childhood but sets a precedent for a fulfilling, balanced life.
