Little Bodies, Big Brains
Why the first 3 years for every child are crucial for future success, happiness, and well-being.
We all have that trusty sponge to clean up the spills of the chaotic 5pm dinner rush. It's always on hand and ready to soak up every drop of apple juice that has so graciously been flung across the room as the supposedly tight-sealed sippy cup hits the floor. Yes, our children are super effective at making a mess, but their brains are also super effective at absorbing information as quickly as our sponge collects the apple juice. By the time they turn three, their brain is already 80% the size of an adult's. Fast forward to age five, and it’s a whopping 90%! These early years are not just about physical growth; they are a whirlwind of cognitive and emotional development. As a parent, you are the most influential guide in this critical period, shaping not only what your child knows but also how they feel and respond to the world around them.
Developing emotional intelligence in these formative years is not just beneficial; it's essential. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, manage, and express emotions effectively and is a key predictor of a child’s future success, happiness, and well-being. As their little brains grow at an astonishing rate, so too does their capacity to learn from every interaction and experience.
Although they may be small in physical size, a child’s brain is already 80% of its adult size by the age of three. That makes a lot of room for neural connections to be formed from their experiences and interactions.
This is why it’s crucial for parents to be mindful of what they expose their children to. The way you show love, handle conflicts, express empathy, manage stress, and engage in social interactions forms the blueprint for your child’s emotional landscape. By making intentional choices now, you can help your child develop the emotional skills they need to thrive. Here are five powerful strategies, backed by research, that can help you nurture your child’s emotional intelligence during these pivotal years.
Seeing Love and Affection
Why it's important: When children see love and affection, they learn how to show and receive love. This helps them build a strong sense of security and self-worth, which is foundational for emotional intelligence. Observing loving interactions teaches children how to form healthy relationships and develop empathy.
Skills Developed: Secure attachment, empathy, self-worth, relationship building.
How to implement:
Give your child lots of hugs and kisses.
Say “I love you” often.
Let them see you being kind to others, like sharing a snack with a friend or hugging a family member.
What the Research Says:
The Harvard Study of Adult Development tracked the lives of 724 men since 1938, examining various aspects of their health and well-being. The findings revealed that close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives. Those who received love and affection in their early years were more likely to have better emotional health and stable relationships as adults. The study emphasizes the critical role of affection and positive interactions in early childhood for long-term emotional well-being (Waldinger & Schulz, 2023).
Watching Healthy Conflict Resolution
Why it's important: Seeing how you solve problems calmly teaches children how to handle their own disagreements. This helps them learn to manage emotions like frustration and anger, develop problem-solving skills, and communicate effectively. Healthy conflict resolution models respect and understanding, crucial components of emotional intelligence.
Skills Developed: Emotional regulation, problem-solving, effective communication, respect.
How to implement:
If you and your partner disagree, show your child how you talk it out nicely.
Use simple words to explain, “Mommy and Daddy are talking about how to share this toy.”
Show them how you take turns speaking and listening.
What the Research Says:
Research, led by Dr. E. Mark Cummings and colleagues, focused on the impact of parental conflict on children. They found that children who observe constructive conflict resolution develop better social and emotional skills. These children learn that conflicts can be resolved through dialogue and compromise, reducing the likelihood of internalizing or externalizing problems. The study underscores the importance of modelling healthy conflict resolution to foster emotional regulation and social competence in children (Cummings, Goeke-Morey, & Papp, 2003).
Observing Empathy in Action
Why it's important: Watching you be kind helps children learn to care about others' feelings. Empathy is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, enabling individuals to understand and relate to others' emotions. Early exposure to empathetic behaviour fosters compassion, cooperation, and the ability to form strong social bonds.
Skills Developed: Empathy, compassion, cooperation, social bonding.
How to implement:
If someone is sad, explain to your child, “Look, she’s sad. Let’s give her a hug to make her feel better.”
When playing, if another child falls, show them how to check if they’re okay.
Use puppets or dolls to act out caring behaviours, like comforting a sad doll.
Children have an innate instinct to mirror the actions of others. By consistently displaying empathic gestures is the first step. Explaining why the gesture is needed super-chargers the learning experience and develops understanding, making it more likely for them to be able to initiate empathic actions independently.
What the Research Says:
Dr. Carolyn Zahn-Waxler and colleagues research at the University of Washington explored the development of empathy in young children. Their findings indicated that children as young as two years old exhibit empathetic responses when they observe empathetic behaviour from their caregivers. The study showed that children who were consistently exposed to empathetic and supportive parenting were more likely to develop strong empathetic responses and social skills. This research highlights the critical role of parental modelling in fostering empathy in young children (Zahn-Waxler, Radke-Yarrow, & King, 1979).
Learning Self-Regulation Techniques
Why it's important: Seeing you calm down when upset teaches children how to manage their own feelings. Self-regulation is essential for emotional intelligence, as it allows individuals to control their impulses, manage stress, and maintain focus. Children who learn self-regulation are better equipped to handle challenges and frustrations.
Skills Developed: Self-regulation, impulse control, stress management, focus.
How to implement:
If you’re frustrated, show your child how you take deep breaths: “I’m taking deep breaths to feel better. Let’s do it together.”
When they’re upset, help them name their feelings: “You’re angry because the toy broke. Let’s try to fix it.”
Create a cosy corner with pillows and books where they can go to feel better.
Being able to recognise and articulate emotions are important skills for children to be able to self-regulate. If they aren’t aware of why they feel a particular way, we can’t expect them to know how to regulate themselves to feel better.
What the Research Says:
The famous “marshmallow test” conducted by Dr. Walter Mischel at Stanford University demonstrated the long-term benefits of self-regulation. In this study, children were given a choice between one small reward (a marshmallow) immediately or a larger reward if they waited for 15 minutes. The results showed that children who were able to wait had better life outcomes, including higher academic achievement, better health, and greater emotional stability. This research underscores the importance of teaching self-regulation skills early in life to promote long-term success and well-being (Mischel, Shoda, & Rodriguez, 1989).
Experiencing Positive Social Interactions
Why it's important: Playing with others helps children learn to share and cooperate. Positive social interactions teach children how to navigate social situations, understand social norms, and build friendships. These skills are crucial for developing emotional intelligence, as they enhance interpersonal relationships and social awareness.
Skills Developed: Social skills, cooperation, sharing, friendship-building.
How to implement:
Arrange playdates or take them to the park to play with other children.
Encourage sharing: “Can you share your toy with your friend? It makes playing more fun.”
Praise kind behaviours: “You gave your friend a turn! That was very kind.”
What the Research Says:
Research led by Dr. Susanne A. Denham and colleagues examined the role of peer interactions in early childhood. Their studies highlighted that positive peer interactions are critical for the development of social competence and emotional understanding. Children who engage in cooperative play learn to navigate social dynamics, practice empathy, and build lasting friendships. These experiences are essential for developing emotional intelligence and social skills that will benefit them throughout their lives (Denham, Blair, DeMulder, Levitas, Sawyer, Auerbach-Major, & Queenan, 2003).
It’s simple. The more positive interactions and experiences you can expose your children to from an early age, the greater their emotional intelligence will be over the long term.
The Take Away
As we navigate the whirlwind of early childhood, it’s clear that these formative years are not just about growth spurts and milestones. They are a crucial period for cognitive and emotional development, where every interaction and experience shapes your child’s future. Just like our trusty sponge that soaks up every drop of apple juice during the chaotic 5pm dinner rush, our children’s brains are absorbing everything they see and hear.
If we know that higher emotional intelligence is a key predictor of future success, happiness, and well-being, it’s not just beneficial, but essential for all parents and carers to be able to lay the foundation for success. By showing love and affection, demonstrating healthy conflict resolution, modelling empathy, teaching self-regulation, and encouraging positive social interactions, we can equip our children with the skills they need to thrive. So, the next time you grab that sponge to clean up yet another spill, remember the incredible capacity of your child’s brain to absorb and learn from the world around them and the role you play in setting them on a path to a bright and emotionally intelligent future.
References
Cummings, E. M., Goeke-Morey, M. C., & Papp, L. M. (2003). Everyday Marital Conflict and Child Development. Journal of Family Psychology, 17(1), 27-39. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.17.1.27
Denham, S. A., Blair, K. A., DeMulder, E., Levitas, J., Sawyer, K., Auerbach-Major, S., & Queenan, P. (2003). Preschool emotional competence: Pathway to social competence? Child Development, 74(1), 238-256. doi:10.1111/1467-8624.00533
Mischel, W., Shoda, Y., & Rodriguez, M. L. (1989). Delay of gratification in children. Science, 244(4907), 933-938. doi:10.1126/science.2658056
Waldinger, R., & Schulz, M. S. (2023). The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. Simon & Schuster.
Zahn-Waxler, C., Radke-Yarrow, M., & King, R. A. (1979). Child rearing and children’s prosocial initiations toward victims of distress. Child Development, 50(2), 319-330. doi:10.2307/1129405
